i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
