i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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