I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
