I could have mohawked her pubes.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
