Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
