GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
third nipple confirmed
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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