i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
