guys are not supposed to queef...right?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
