you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
