remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
