i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Randomize
