did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
