Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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