He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Randomize
