$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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