Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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