She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
