i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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