did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
