pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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