It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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