All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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