Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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