Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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