Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
