I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
