I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
