I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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