I bet he comes in French.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
How does it feel to date your dad?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
