How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
