i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
