Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
