What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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