I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
