he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
