Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You are the jesus of drinking
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
