dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
