he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
