I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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