It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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