You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
