I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
