Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
