I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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