lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
