if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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