i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
