maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
