I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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