My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
