I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
